Oh man, if you could hear how many times my girlfriend has complained about my smelly feet.
What I'm going to talk about today might be uncomfortable, but necessary. I did not realize how dirty we generally are, especially us men. My girlfriend does nails for a living, and she tells me horror stories everyday! So I know everyone needs to focus a little more on showering, the right way.
But today, we are going to focus on men. Because I am one, and that is all I know about. Let us start with the main topic.
When you shower, you need to use something that can blast the oil and residue off your body. Think of it like washing your car, do you just spray it down then call it good? No, you know for a fact, you need to get in there with some good soap and elbow grease. Especially if you want results that will make you look back as you walk away.
Washing yourself is just like washing your car. Except you can't turn back to look at yourself, but I digress.
One thing I've come to realize is this, it doesn't matter who you are. We are all just dirty sacks of snot, slime, sweat, and funk.
Sure it takes a little work but think of it as an investment, when you bring a date over and you're about to get intimate... do you want her to be filled with a great sense of regret after she gets a whiff of your crown jewels?
I hope the answer is, no.
How To Do Hygiene The Proper Way
I know some people feel weird about touching themselves, I'm not talking the naughty kind of touching, but generally reaching into places they don't normally reach. And I get that, it is a legit concern. But the only person who can take care of you that way is you, no one is going to maintain your body the way you can. Think of it as self love, this is your body and you only get one. Will you ignore it because you feel weird about touching that butt crack? It is no big deal, trust me, this is just general maintenance.
Your Nether Region
Starting with them boys, pull the skin back and take your time cleaning it, inside and out. This is the place you can't smell (unless it gets really bad), but your partner DEFINITELY can. Believe when I say, you wont even realize it but given enough time you will build up some serious gunk in there. When I was younger, I'd spend like 10 seconds to clean the boys, there isn't much more to it right? It wasn't until later when I had a girl who was totally comfortable with me do a sniff check that I realized, I screwed up. So take it from your bro, stretch it out, do the sides, go underneath, make sure every place that can be touched gets a little treatment. When you smell nice and clean, it will make certain activities much more appealing for other people, you know what I'm sayin?
The Butt Crack
Next is your butt, yes, get in there with a little soap then clean it. I remember when I was a kid, there was this friend who was scared because he felt that touching himself there would mean something. It doesn't mean anything, it just means you aren't comfortable with your body yet... and you have a dirty crack. There is nothing to be scared of, it is just you by yourself in the shower. You could even toss this in with the cleaning of the jewels from above, this is another area that can absolutely ruin your special date. If your hot dog is clean, but your ham is dirty, it can easily smell while one is down there. And just as equally, she might find an excuse to politely get the hell away from you.
Our Feet
Last is your feet, and this is one of my personal struggles because:
...One, I am on my feet a lot so they get extra sweaty and smelly.
...Two, cleaning my feet requires bending.
...Three, it is so much easier to just half ass it and use my foot to clean the other feet.
...Four, it just doesn't smell that bad!
But yeah, I later found out my feel really did get THAT funky, and the best way to get rid of it is to bend down then clean it with my hands. Grab a little soap and scrub the top, bottom, and definitely between the toes until you don't feel anything slimy. Boom done!
And that is pretty much it, those are the main spots. Laziness is always our biggest enemy. Of course you could toss in your pits, face, neck, and ect. But those are pretty self-explanatory, it is the places you don't normally think of that can getcha! Just take care of yourself, take a little time to pamper your body. Us guys don't really take the time to do that like the girls do, so we need to focus on staying motivated. Once again, you get only one body in this life, don't waste it. You could even try talking to yourself like I do, to stay up and up on that motivational drive.
"Damn, you've been a dirty boy. Let me clean myself up for me, there we go."
No?
Okay.